on a winter typhoon day

i'm here, in a most thoughtful, quiet state of being
but i'm tired.
tired of being responsible,
tired of needing to consider,
tired of hoping
and most of all-- tired of being disappointed.

i suppose i give people a rather strong impression:
independent, reliable, strong in every sense of the word
and i am,
i don't break down easily; i'd like to think i'm open-minded and optimistic
but.
that doesn't mean it's always so--
no, not so

because now i'm not, i'm fragile to the point of being pathethic
am i to blame?

allow me to be weak

*or perhaps it's just the weather