not in front of you

i'm listening to songs i can't relate to
songs, if i could swallow my pride,
i'll admit i'd like to understand
days are slipping away
i'm doing what i'm supposed to do
but i want more
something that'll make my heart beat just a little faster
my smile just a little wider
my day just a little brighter

i flipped through a stack of notes and letters from middle school
a repulsive brat i was