of looking and seeing

i guess it had always been there,
bare, open, obvious to anyone who cares to pay attention;
but, some may choose to be ignorant,
choose to pretend not to see
why so? perhaps, i'm not ready to see,
i just want to look, skim over, and walk away,
feeling no different,
and pain remains far, far away.

sometimes i wonder if i'm masochistic,
or perhaps, everyone has this sort of tendency:
doing things that they know will hurt;
yet we're unable to stop

when will i learn?
i learned, no doubt about it,
but people can learn without ever using the knowledge

my eyes are sore,
lips red and swollen,

"are you sick?" --the most-asked question today.

why are my recent posts so melancholy?
must be the weather..
definitely the weather,
a weather i like

on a winter typhoon day

i'm here, in a most thoughtful, quiet state of being
but i'm tired.
tired of being responsible,
tired of needing to consider,
tired of hoping
and most of all-- tired of being disappointed.

i suppose i give people a rather strong impression:
independent, reliable, strong in every sense of the word
and i am,
i don't break down easily; i'd like to think i'm open-minded and optimistic
but.
that doesn't mean it's always so--
no, not so

because now i'm not, i'm fragile to the point of being pathethic
am i to blame?

allow me to be weak

*or perhaps it's just the weather