DOWNS

just tired, exhausted,
drained.
of tears, of anger, of frustration
empty now, but i still care.
why? because we love you.


do you care?

UPS

anchor in my life.
hold me down in warmth. in love. in all that you are.
yesterday was enough to neutralize all the toxic, anger, frustration plaguing me all week.
we banished any trace of tranquility intended in the tea room
replacing it with us: our memories, our confusions, our joy, our insights
conversations revolved around shaping skulls, martian soul-mates,
and that perfect joke that blew us all away.
the movie seemed like it never stopped from many months back
it keeps rolling, we'll continue watching
and talking, and laughing, and remembering, and walking, and being
i love you guys

calls/msn/face to face

i lost my chance of walking away,
or least a temporary stray.
to have some time alone, to have some time free of worries.
just being here itself, my mere person/dailyroutine/lovedones--

we/i love you, but can't seem to get to you
we/i care for you, but it seems to burden you
we/i talk to you, but words don't seem to communicate
we/i watch over you and the distance just seems to widen

my anger screams at me to walk away
my heart hangs on in fear of your falling apart
my tears fall finally at the helplessness that we all are.

and yet we all move as if smiles and masks are who we are.

radiohead therapy

uncertainty's good, it creates spontaneity.
too much uncertainty's.. well.. obstructing
'cuz i can't make any freakin decisions without jeopardizing another
damn.
the days are ticking away.
the money is flying flying flying out of my reach
the dream is drifting drifting drifting to--

i'm waiting for calls that'll make my day
and let the minute hands go [in my pace]

no doubt or hesitation of sorts.
clear, bright, open.
as if we're meant/supposed to walk through those doors
no handles, no detection signal, no doorknobs

i'd like to make decisions like that
as if my choice was the most natural/most obvious of them all

---
i stare at those clean panes
bright and welcoming in the day
transparent and open in the night
---

i've been too absorbed in, too obsessed with
the pace, the flow of the crowd
that i've convinced myself ready
and that the faint glimmer off to my left isn't and never will be
an option