i only sneakedaglance--

ihatehowyoucaneasilyswayme,
breakmyresolveasifinevercommittedtoit.
tellme,thati'mstrivingforsomethingtangible.
tellme,thatmystumblingstepswillgetthere.
tellme,thatanearfuturewithout
withoutwithoutwithoutwithoutwithoutwithout
withwithtinwthinwithinwtihwithWITHoutwith
yourpresenceyourmemoryyouryouryouyou
ispossibleimpossible

--andlookwhereitgotme.

at this moment:

sitting here trying to rack out a paper analyzing an opera
Monteverdi's L'Orfeo to be exact
after 4 consecutive days of inadequate sleep is fatal.

i'm listening to the same lines,
same melody,
same annoying buzzing that hovers in the background,
trying to hypnotize me or something.

..i should have said something on the bus.,
really.

i need water.
*sigh*

FOGGY

when i open my eyes,
i want to see:

tuhin, jungho, ed, yukyung, jihyun, changhyun
yu an, huichen, mom, dad, sis, co
asdfie, 204jue, adieah,
weifadfhieoahdf.

my thoughts are incoherent
but i know what i want,
and they're not here.

till i burn out

i'll just keep pushing forward,
each step a little closer
closer to.. whatever it is.
and i can't stop
i can slow down
i can speed up
i can stray
but i can't stop

stupid ftp wont let me in
now i can't do my work

and i'm not some timid, shy girl who's infatuated with you
not the type to swoon over foreigners
not the type to bat my lashes
and have you think me as wanton

maybe i should start biting out cynical comments