tell me happiness is still possible--

palm to palm/tip to tip:
"a butcher's hand, but a gentle heart."
*
muffled agony:
one of pillow's many functions
*
jaded eyes, ashened face, tortured mind:
this is for honor, for family, for the nation

**
tell me that ideals are worth upholding
tell me that family, love, honor, the greater "good"
is true
tell me that sacrifices are necessary
tell me that everyone will be happy
*
"come on down to the laughing city"

no [pretense], none of it

for the first time i don't want to be stupid.
i mean,
i'd get it if i studied, right? ...right?

school's officially started
and i'm fumbling around with my umbrella
amongst the crowd
in the forever drizzling boulevard

music: "Cry Baby" --Janis Joplin

february14th

it may be valentine's day
but i love yellowish green
and orange, the bright kind

on a night like this

i'm starting to think that there's no way life could end up happy:
at the rate things are going,
it wouldn't matter what results
because the end doesn't justify the means

joy eluded me when "memoirs of the geisha" played it's ending tune
i don't see how the final reunion and eventual understanding
could have lessen and made the previous sufferings more bearable

we would be lying
in a large four-poster bed with many pillows
comforters, covered in satin sheets,
and the countless scars and tear stains would
still be there

if only we could smile and be happy all the time

get well soon

I need to learn to accept.. things:
events, people, cities, reality.

dizzy now, shower, then sleep.

8hrs before

i really do want to stay.
it's a luxury i dare not indulge.

these three weeks--i cannot not hope for more

open thoughts:

honestly, i'd like to stay