"do you know the difference between fear and dread?"

supposed to be on vacation right now,
anywhere but here.
stupid papers, should've been tossed back to two weeks earlier,
where they belong.
no matter,
many things worth anticipating,
tomorrow, for one
and two weeks later,

and then,
a month later,
but no longer happiness,
i await with dread.

it's knowing that floors are glued with bent nails,
but having no choice but to lie on them.

watching with agony
friends hold on tightly to the first-aid kit and a phone,
ready to dial up the hospital if necessary,
and that's all they can do

so i lied

about not remembering,
about not yearning,
about not caring,
about me

but how can i?
after all the tripping,
the bruises, scars,--

"forget it"
"forget it"
"forget it"

if i repeat it enough,
reminding myself won't be necessary

not a beauty

i will not fall,
i will not fail,
i will not be frail.

will not, will not.
just wait and watch.

watch me prevail--

so easy to say, so easy to assume,
too easy,
that we, I, become careless

sometimes, when neglected,
bruises scar