holiday muses

"...that i couldn't find the words to--"
make a million things that could've happened, work.

and,
it's through these countless regret,
or rather, a softened version of this emotion,
that we learn to treasure each passing moment
each fleeting touch

[-ing]: progressive form--
continually

i'll cling to all that i can get hold of,
and imprint it in me

music: All Behind Us Now-- Patti Austin

helpless,

..still falling,
perhaps i should just smile
and enjoy the wind--
though i don't know how it's possible

happy birthday Hui

music: The Prettiest Thing-- Norah Jones

"in these final hours"

how far have i fallen?
yet there's nothing to do but to hold up my head,
and step forward

Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
Cause I can't make you love me if you don't.

there's no right or wrong in this,
because we're both suffering--

I'll close my eyes, then I won't see
The love you don't feel when you're holdin me
Morning will come and I'll do what's right
Just give me till then to give up this fight

And I will give up this fight.

eventually, when i can smile and think of you
without yearning

Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't

and i won't hold it against you,
you're beyond that

Cause I can't make you love me if you don't.

i know i'm treasured,
but not in the way i desire

--Bonnie Rait, I Can't Make You Love Me

looks

i always thought myself as being mature,
but my appearance tells otherwise:

for the two days that i've been at the book exhibition,
the people have all unanimously identified me as a
high school student

one was so confident that he said,
"don't go! [as i had tried to flee]
i know you're a high schooler!"

the look on his face when i told him i was a second year university student was priceless
*snickers*

anecdote:

today, during my search for a late dinner,

an elderly man wearing an immaculate black suit
came up to me and said:

"I lost my briefcase in a telephone booth,
which consists of my handphone, wallet, and all the other valuables.
Would you be kind and lend me taxi fare?"

and so the story goes--

[we part.]

"you're dumb."
"you're too nice."
"you were tricked."

[various responses]

"it felt love"

THE ROSE

How

Did the rose

Ever open it's heart

And give to this world

All it's

Beauty?

It felt the encouragement of light

Against it's

Being

Otherwise,

We all remain

Too

Frightened

--translated by Daniel Ladinsky, The Gift, Poems by Hafiz, the Great Sufi Master

*from http://www.deviantart.com/view/4652874/

and

http://www.windsofchange.net/archives/005971.php

revelations II

i just found out that i have a friend whose
sexual orientation is what we refer to as
lesbian relationship

wow, a few days ago i had just been saying that i wanted such a friend,
and i have one now
pleasant, but a surprise nonetheless

music: You Are So Beautiful To Me-- Joe Cocker

6:00AM

for two weeks now,
i've woken up at 6 in the morning--
to have breakfast.
and a curious routine it is

somehow,
i find it reasonable to do so,
even though i brush my teeth
and eat the food with my eyes closed

still, i wouldn't want it to become a habit
nope, it'll kill me

music: Je Chante Pour Passer Le Temps

--Giovanni Mirabassi